Fight for Your Right!

Commentary by Cantice

I assure you that I am not trying to put the s-e-x word on this blog too frequently, but this week’s topic revisits that ancient love sport. While reviewing a reproductive rights organization’s website I came across this assertion:

“…SisterSong believes that sexual prohibitions are not only promoted by moral conservatives, but also by reproductive rights advocates who fail to promote a sex positive culture” (http://www.sistersong.net/2007_NationalConference/2007NC_index.html).

The group goes on to say, “We believe that sex for pro-creation or sexual pleasure is a human right, and we are striving to create a pro-sex space for the pro-choice movement.”

I’ll state the obvious: if the pro-choice movement doesn’t already consider itself to be a pro-sex culture, I’m afraid of what US society would be like if this group achieves its objective. That assertion aside, viewing these statements on the website made me wonder, when should rights be advocated and under what circumstances is sex a right? I assume that one must attend the SisterSong conference, Let’s Talk about Sex, to get the answer, or at least I hope these parameters will be discussed. Or maybe I’m missing the point entirely, maybe there are no qualifications for sex as a right; perhaps we come out of the womb with the right to engage in intercourse and all other forms of “sex.”

Prohibitions are sometimes good, I think. That I’m not supposed to drink and drive is a helpful one. I don’t feel like my right to drive is inhibited by that prohibition. There are other good prohibitions, but you get the point. Besides that, this group has distorted the “moral conservative” position on sex. It is not prohibited, it is protected by marriage.

They didn’t even say consented sex. Isn’t that problematic for people who are likely to rage in response to date and acquaintance rape statistics with the slogan, “No means no!”? I’m just thinking…isn’t sex pleasurable precisely because it is not commonplace? And don’t we value sex by establishing guidelines for it? I can hear the other side now calling me a capitalist. I won’t mind that as long as someone tells me how we value something by making it free. Love costs. Friendship costs. Freedom costs. Just ask anyone who’s fought for it.

So what’s the point of me bringing up the SisterSong position? It’s simple: pro-sex (unrestricted sex) + pro-choice = higher abortion rates, more incidents of schizophrenia in women, more breast cancer, higher rates of infertility in women, more STDs and STIs, increases in dysfunctional marriage and psychologically disturbed children. So, raise your hand if you're for it …against it?


A Response to Fight for Your Right!
By Wanda

I think I have talked about sex more this month than I have ever in my 33 years on this planet! One major reason could be that I am enrolled in a ‘Sexuality and the Bible’ seminar. Nevertheless, let’s talk about sex. Cantice, humans have never fully adhered to sexual prohibitions or parameters. Although, we love to think they did. Sex outside of marriage, prostitution, homosexuality, rape, infidelity, orgies, have existed since Hebrew Bible times--- and that was a long time ago.

Sex is a natural, healthy desire – just like eating. Which is why so many people struggle with the two. If you don’t have a desire for sex (unless you have a screaming infant or toddler) then you better run to the doctor- immediately, seriously, no I’m not kidding, get to the doctor- now! But those who ascribe to specific religious beliefs understand the boundaries as positive and not an infringement on human rights. And that is it. How can you have a productive discussion about this? It’s a waste of time(Remember Ms. Founder*).

But my concern for every one of us who believe it is our life’s mission to tell everyone else what we think, why we think it, and why they should think like us, is that we use more wisdom in engaging those different from us in meaningful conversations. Moral conservatives should stray from jamming religious beliefs down people’s throats and Liberals should avoid dismissing religious convictions. If this could happen maybe we could spend more time on other important issues, like fighting for one’s right to affordable healthcare, greater employee and tax benefits for childcare and maternity leave. Now that sounds like something to fight for the right to party to..don’t you think?

Mad Love

Editorial Note and Poem
By Wanda

In place of a commentary, this week I decided to write a love poem about the men in my life. Although I like to write poems, I usually dont share them outside of my intended inspiration. But I have received several comments from individuals questioning my attitude towards men. So since I have not made my position perfectly clear in my commentaries I thought a creative work could shed some light on the subject. This is not my best poem, not even close, but it expresses my deepest sentiments for these indivduals. Please note: This will not be a regular occurence, I will return to my diatribes against sexism next week :-) - Sincerely Wanda

To The Men I Love(d)

To the men I love(d)
How divine you are
For you are made in His image
And our love confirms the enormity of His love

The very essence of a man sends me on a spiritual high
His walk, his presence and the very sound of his voice
The men I love(d) have made me come alive
Pull me out of the mundane, routine, rhythmic pace of life
And placed me into a transcendent space of where the divine only exists

To my Daddy,
You shaped my view on life and my faith
I’m your baby girl, the apple of your eye
And although you’re gone
I sometimes feel your presence
And the comfort of your unfailing love

For DJ, we were young and in love
We gave our hearts for what we thought would be forever
Or at least as much as forever could be at age 21
Although it didn’t last it was true love
Or the purest love of all….. Young love

To Eug-IV and BDH,
You are my friend, my companion, my confidant
It’s your perspective that brings balance to my Female world
It grounds me in what’s real
You have gone into the deep waters with me
Although we don’t always see eye to eye
Your love, friendship and compassion has kept me afloat

And finally to my dearest of kin, my blood, my co-conspirator in this world
My brother,
Myron your name means a fragrant balm, a sweet oil
And that you have been to me… healing, protection and comfort
As your little sishta
You scared away the boogie monster
And enacted lively bedtime stories until I fell asleep
As your grown sister
I find safety and security within your presence, your voice
And your beautiful letters of love
That always seem to appear in my mailbox at the perfect time

We have an inextricable bond
We share in all things
Disappointments and Triumphs
Your pain …is my pain
When you found love… I found love
Your happiness… is my happiness

Your undying love has motivated me to higher educational heights
My diploma is your diploma
Without your unfailing love and faith in me
The fulfillment of my goals would not be within my reach

To the men I love(d)
How divine you are
For you are made in His image
And our love confirms the enormity of His love


A Response to "Mad Love"
by Cantice

What to say? I didn't think Wanda needed to respond to the suggestions by some men that she was a bit of a man-basher. As men and women continue to read what Wanda writes, they will grow to know her more, just as I have. On the other hand, what Wanda was provoked to write reminds us of the integral roles men play in our lives: fathers, husbands, brothers, friends. It is always good for me to be reminded that we belong together. And even more important, that without the respectful interaction of the sexes, neither of us reaches his or her full potential. So in the immortal words of Claire Huxtable, Wanda, you have "let the record show..."