Joseph's Self-Control

Commentary
by Cantice

Like a few of you out there, I paid my ten dollars and watched “The Nativity Story.” Before watching it, I had read reviews that rated it from a C- to an A. I’m no movie critic; I’ve given enough grades in my young teaching career to decline that role. But, I enjoyed the movie enough to want to pay to see it a second time with my husband, having gone with a group of church small group workers the first time around.

The script followed the biblical account very closely, so those who were looking for a scandalous twist in the story were probably disappointed. The three wise men took a more central role than that depicted in the book of Matthew, partially to serve as comic relief, but everything else was by the book. So why would I want to see it again? Because of Joseph.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but Joseph’s chivalry in the movie was wildly attractive. Mary’s faith was awe-inspiring—one of the reasons we tend to acknowledge her virtue even in the protestant tradition, but this movie paid tribute to Joseph’s loyalty, a character which is often overlooked. Joseph kept his marriage vow to a woman who returned to him from a short vacation pregnant and showing. He did it within a culture that valued genealogy and sexual morality. Notwithstanding the cultural disdain, he took Mary as his wife, and continued to honor her by doing all that was within his power to provide for her safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery. On a trip that took several weeks, he offered her the best of his food. She rode the transportation (a donkey) as he walked beside it. He stopped for warmth when she was cold. And on that several weeks-long trip, he didn’t violate the Jewish custom of waiting a year (after giving his initial vow) to consummate the marriage.

What would Joseph’s self-control look like in a man today? Choosing a wife based on his perception of her character rather than on her “bootyliciousness”? Establishing his career and building/buying or preparing a home for his wife to come in to? Working and saving money so that the two of them wouldn’t have to start off struggling? Taming his sexual urges while single so that adultery would not be a factor leading to his divorce? What, no internet porn? No masturbation and strip club habits?

I can’t give all the credit for Joseph’s conduct to his pragmatic way of life. Joseph had faith. He had to have it in order to endure the ridicule of friends and family who wanted to, but refrained from calling him “stupid” to his face. He had faith that being merciful would pay off in the end, that thinking the best of people wouldn’t necessarily let him down. He had faith that God would make everything alright eventually.

I wonder if we can even dream of building relationships based on faith in each other any more. Or those based on honoring each other, even when things aren’t adding up. I know I need a refresher course on thinking the best of my husband at all times. Even as I write this, I’m thinking of the subtle way God has encouraged me to build my husband up frequently as we continue our journey together.

Response
By Wanda

I am midway through finals, so I have barely seen the light of day let alone a movie. And rarely, if ever am I left speechless. But after reading your commentary the only thing I can say is “Bah Humbug.” The idea of faith in your man or woman even when everything doesn’t add up sounds like an evangelical women’s ministry session or even worse a bad Lifetime movie. However, the idea of meeting a "Joseph" would be a great pick me upper for the holiday season.

We know very little about Joseph's character, but its not too hard to believe that he was an exceptional man. After all he was chosen as the "father" of Jesus Christ. Chivalry should never go out of style, it's like the perfect black cocktail dress. A man with qualities like Joseph are admirable, uncommon, but nevertheless something to look for in a man ( or a woman). I am not a hopeless romantic, nor am I "in love" with being in love, but I do appreciate romance. And it's always nice when you come across a man that has a high level of moral and personal constraint. We need more men with Joseph's character, unfornately society doesn't reward "nice guys" nor do women make significant moral demands on their future husband or husbands; we typically take 'em how we can get 'em.

Blindly believing or trusting your mate is insane. Respect and trust are daily exercises. I am not saying that relationships should be built on suspicion but a small amount of doubt in your faith is healthy (Remember the movie The Sound of Music). The only relationship where one should exercise a “faith when things don’t always add up” is the one you have with Christ. Everyone else is up for evaluation.

Her Mic Sounds Nice – But Hip-Hop Won’t Give Her A Chance

Commentary by Wanda

I love rap music of yesterday and today (without the vulgarities, of course) but I avoid attending any concerts for fear of getting groped, hit with a chair, trampled, or killed with a stray bullet. Nevertheless, I take advantage of any opportunity to hear a live performance. About a month ago, BET held its first annual Hip-Hop awards in Atlanta, Georgia. The show went off without a hitch. As I viewed the category nominees and cheered for the winners, time after time men marched onto the stage. Even the categories took on male personas – Hustler of the Year, MVP, People’s Champ Award. Out of the 17 categories only one woman, Mary J. Blige, walked off as a winner on a collaborative live performance with Busta Rhymes. It immediately hit me…Hip Hop has been confiscated by men! Although it started as a male movement, there were large spans of time when women were important players in the industry. But since Gangsta rap and the insurgence of violent and sexist lyrics, the industry has limited the role of women in Hip-Hop.

This is not a clarion call for a return to the rap music of the 80’s. It is my attempt to honor the redeeming qualities of Hip Hop in our culture and question why it is exclusively male. Has Hip Hop become a way for black men to claim ground that they have lost in most other sectors of the business world? Maybe this is the way that men carve out a space for themselves that has not been given to them in other areas of their lives. I sympathize with black men; but, I don’t think that lost ground elsewhere gives them a license to dominate, discriminate, exploit or silence women. It appears now that women can only find their place in Hip Hop as the backdrop by singing a hook, dancing or modeling, with the exception of a few token female rappers like Missy Elliot. Nevertheless female rappers like Salt N Pepa, MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Roxanne, Lauryn Hill, the late Lisa Left Eye Lopez, Da Brat, Eve are slowly becoming icons of the past. Unfortunately, our young female lyricists seem to only find their place in R&B songwriting or spoken word venues.

Today Hip Hop is only inspiring a future generation of men. It has transformed itself into a multi-millionaire dollar industry and why shouldn’t girls get a piece of the pie? Young men have role models like Puff Daddy, Jay-Z, 50 Cent, and others who acquired multi-million dollar endorsements. These entrepreneurs and businessmen promote this type of ingenuity in their male fans, but young girls are not inspired to achieve a respectable level within the industry. I know that it is easy to place all the blame on men, but women in the industry, such as Debra Lee, CEO and Chairperson of BET, have a responsibility to the future of Hip-Hop. And it appears that most of the female rappers could care less about inspiring the next generation of lyricists, although Salt N Pepa and others were their inspiration. Hip-Hop is and will always be a social movement. It stands juxtaposed against mainstream and traditional black music. It should always have something different and relevant to say. It has always given a voice to the youth, and should always be one type of channel to engage their stories. But that collective story should include what it means for young women to grow up in the inner city. She has a story too, and it should be told and respected. The Hip-Hop community has a long way to go when it comes to gender equality and the elimination of misogynistic behavior. The perpetuation of patriarchy (embedded in the DNA of the black community) only legitimizes this type of discrimination.

Response by Cantice

I'll be brief, since Wanda wasn't. I am unqualified to speak about Hip Hop in any significant way. I stopped being a loyal fan years ago. Every now and again while substitute teaching or attending a youth conference, I'd catch an earful of lyrics that confirmed that my decision not to support mainstream Hip Hop was a good one. The last good Hip Hop I heard was by the Verbs (to the Knowda) at a church Hip Hop extravaganza in the summer of '05. The Verbs rocked da' party. I wanted to dance and scream and chant, but I was too old and the younguns wasn't feeling it like I was (what do they know?). Needless to say, I love good music and Hip Hop is no exception.

But, as with some other things, I am not an equal opportunity employer when it comes to Hip Hop. My heart is not really gripped by a lack of gendered affirmative action in the field. This vacancy of frontrunning women in the Hip Hop industry could be a result of women assessing the field and choosing not to be a part of the madness. Still, Wanda's commentary addresses an issue that is dear to me, the issue of mentorship. What may be true of women is that we are such an integral part of keeping our own families and churches running that we don't make time to nurture the hopes of those not related to us. Since some men don't play as large a role in the family and in church organization, they may have extra time to reach back to the would be industry moguls of tomorrow. All this is just speculation. I may be trying too hard to say something thoughtful about this phenomenon that gripped Wanda to the point of addressing it for you, the public, to ponder.

Overall, I still believe that those who want to rock da' mic' bad enough will make it happen for themselves. And those seeking mentors will make the connection. American Idol can’t be a better example of the fact that anybody can make it, if they have the heart. So I say, ladies, pump it up.