Commentary by Wanda
Unless you have been living under a rock for the last 20 years you have witnessed or experienced the backlash that has taken place against career mothers. A recent study published in The Journal of Social Forces entitled “What’s Love Got to Do With It? Equality, Equity, Commitment and Women’s Marital Quality” found that that women and men are happier in marriages with more traditional elements compared to egalitarian marriages (each party contributes to the finances, housekeeping and childcare). Before you respond with a hearty “amen” or a somber “whatever”, please note that the research was led by Professor W. Bradford Wilcox from the University of Virginia a proud and open supporter of traditional marriages (don’t always believe what you read). And just recently in the August 22, 2006 issue of Forbes Magazine, Michael Noer an editor, wrote the article “Don’t Marry Career Women” warning men not to marry career women because “they are more likely to divorce, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children…. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you.” (Mr. Noer, is citing not only the study mentioned above but also studies from the Institute for Social Research, American Journal of Sociology and The Journal of Marriage and Family.)
Although I am always skeptical of research, because you always have to ask so many critical questions of not only the subjects chosen, the way in which data is rated, and the background of the researchers, for argument sake I will consider the Wilcox study reputable. With this being the case then I will conclude that women are receiving more support because their husband is more comfortable and values the role that she embodies in their marriage. However, is that an adequate reason to promote traditional marriages for all those seeking marital bliss? Or should we help men understand the benefits and value of a marriage that supports his wife’s needs and also makes him happy? Maybe it’s not that career women are harder to please possibly men are not yet comfortable with the shift of roles although they wouldn’t outright say they want their wife in a more traditional role or at least not the breadwinner and demanding equal division of household responsibilities.
The feminist movement did fabulous things for women but one huge failure was that it didn’t “convert” enough men. It appears that certain individuals want women to return to days of making the man the King of his castle -at her expense- appeasing his every whim, not ruffling any feathers, dropping the kids off at school, working 8 hour days, picking up the kids from school, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, cleaning up dishes, helping with homework, vacuuming, and doing laundry. Although, observing “Super Moms” in action can be empowering, in many ways it’s depressing. Why should a woman with a partner carry such a burden alone? However, I am full of hope and believe that although second wave feminism took place over 40 years ago, it has only been 40 years. Change takes time. Most modern women are aware that the struggles we face for equality will not be handed to us on a silver platter we will have to continue to speak out and engage more men in the discussion and not get discouraged by slanted studies or small minds. One day women will cease singing the old 1970’s Enjoli perfume ad “I bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and I’ll never let you forgot you’re a man, cause I’m a woman…Enjoli” and write new songs of their lives that encourage true equality and support for the family as a whole not at the expense of her own sanity.
The data for this study was collected from the National Survey of Families and Households (NSGH) and surveyed 5,010 couples. Link to Study “What’s Love Got to Do With It? Equality, Equity, Commitment and Women’s Marital Quality” www.virginia.edu/sociology/peopleofsociology/wilcoxpapers/Wilcox/Nock marriage.pdf
A Response to Bacon!! (and eggs)
By Cantice
I didn’t read Professor Wilcox’s study, but I will. I have, however, read a similar study in the American Journal of Family Therapy (by Bean et al. 33.4 (2005): 319-336 ) which corroborates the professor’s findings.
I’m less interested in agreeing with his findings or refuting Wanda’s rant than I am in considering why his findings so upset Wanda and perhaps others. If it is true that a majority of men and women are happier when they are in a traditional marriage (where the man is the primary breadwinner and the woman is the primary house-and children-keeper) why is it stomach-turning? I think any researcher would be hard-pressed to find a woman who is not happier if her husband is able to support her and his family without her working. Do I have any honest women out there? How would that make you feel? How much would that change your life? Would it relieve any of your stress?
At the same time, staying home with babies and/or preschoolers with no help is harder than working an eight-hour shift, partly because society has changed. The at-home-networks (at-home grandparents, older women in the neighborhood, other at-home-mothers, teenage female relatives), are sparser today than they were 50 years ago. Feminism’s answer to the weight of at-home work was to make the man do half of the domestic work (though it didn’t relieve his work schedule outside of the home). Since the 70’s wives have consistently increased in number as workers outside of the home. But, Fox-Genovese notes in Women and the Future of Family, that there was no increase in men at home, so the ones who lose (and have been losing consistently since the Women’s Revolution) are children: aborted and abandoned.
As someone said in an earlier comment, staying home isn’t the issue. The issue is value. If I don’t value being at home, but I am there, I am a peon in my own eyes. But the issue is also economic. If I am at home and I literally don’t have the means to go anywhere or do anything, then home is a prison. Could the issue also be wealth envy? Do any feelings of envy or jealousy pop-up if I find out that some families have the means to allow the wife to be at home, have help for the house and/or children and still have a life?
Instead of calling each other names, I wish we would deal with the real issues that are the fallout of our value shifts: unhappy women, perverted men, broken homes, and dysfunctional children. Women, especially married ones and mothers, will play multiple roles in their lives at home and in the marketplace. If you’re like me, you could stand to play your part with a little more grace.
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