Crisis

Commentary by

Cantice

I’m running out of stuff to talk about. It’s not because I’ve exhausted my breadth of topics. I think it’s because I’ve been shut up inside of buildings studying for exams. It’s sad. And it brings me to my question for this week—actually, I’ve got a couple.Is it me or are Americans looking rougher than normal lately? When I say rough, I mean ‘broke-down,’ beat-down and exhausted. It's as if we need to take a nap. But it’s more than that. We need someone to tell us, “I don’t care how tired you are, you do not go out looking like that.” More than ever we need someone to tell us, "You don’t even walk around your house like that." (This makes me look back on my Spelman College days warmly, remembering the first week when they said, “Though we are all sisters, you do not leave your dorm-room in house shoes, and certainly not rollers and a head scarf…You are a Speeeelman woman!”) At the time, I thought they were bourgeoisie. Now I feel like they need to package Freshwoman week and sell it to the general public.

I was shopping at Wal-Mart recently—yes, I still shop at Wal-Mart (but less frequently cause the lines are starting to get to me.)—and I was hit by the fact that in addition to out of shape, the customers and workers in the store just looked tired. In the face, in the unkempt clothes, and in our responses to one another everything about us said, give me a break. To that, you might say—Do you expect to find anything different when shopping at the low price leader of retailers? Point taken. But I don’t think it’s just at Wal-Mart. I used to wonder if people were prone to bags underneath and sunken-in eyes genetically (that was before I ever saw the same in my own reflection). Now I know from experience that too many projects, not enough sleep, and not enough down-time will make even the most naturally radiant of us look scary. And that brings me to my second point—actually the two are only barely connected—for those of us who are tired because we’re going to school and working, is education really worth it?

I know this argument is old, but let’s rehash it. The more I stay in formal education circles (teaching in the university, grad-school educated friends) the more I see that I’ve got to have more than brains, not just to get ahead financially, but to like myself, to pass on something of substance to the next generation, and to not take myself too seriously. Beyond “religion” in addition to education, I need comedy, soul food cooked by somebody else, and maybe even a secret rendezvous (if it's just with my girls on a road trip) not to go crazy “up in here.” Am I the only one feeling like we’re working to our own detriment? How did the working class investors of old do it and not lose their families, their religion, and their minds in the process? The only inkling of an answer I’ve thought of is that having extended family around made things more bearable (when they weren't the source of the madness). But in the 2000’s we don’t have that. I live more than 3000 miles away from anybody who grew up in the same house or down the street from me (not counting my homegirl Olu from North High who relocated to ATL after undergrad). Being connected to her may be the only reason I don’t yet have gray. To anyone else out there who’s working too hard, my question is...,"For what?" And what are we going to do about it?

Response by Wanda

Well, Cantice it appears that you are experiencing what I go through on a weekly basis. I am so happy that you have been able to share in my suffering of extended study sessions. You ask the question “Why are we all so tired and unconcerned about how we look?” Let me speak from personal experience. As far as being “tired”, I suffer on a bi-monthly basis from sleep deprivation and many of you have been the recipient of my belligerent behavior during those moments of fatigue. And to your next question of being “unconcerned about how we look,” just yesterday, after sleeping for 5 hours, I spent most of the day studying Greek and at some point of the day I realized that I had left the house with a cute jacket, top, pants, and shoes however, none of these items should have been worn together in an ensemble. So this phenomenon can get to the best of us.

Now to your next point and I believe an important one, “What is the point of advanced education?” I have asked myself this every single day for the last 19 months of my life. It is my philosophy that too much education can be debilitating. You become very knowledgeable, the envy of your friends, but your education is irrelevant if it does not in some way contribute to the “real world. What’s the point? All those sleepless nights and social sacrifices can be like masochism if you don’t find its relevance. I do think through ministry, utilizing your talents for the sake of others, and being active in the world, is the only way intellectual investment makes sense.

The best part of mining through this process of higher learning is, as you said, having wonderful friends (who have ‘normal’ lives) and can create a balance for you. Good friends are definitely gifts from God. After reading Ethics or slaving through Greek verb tenses, I can call one of my friends and we will talk about fashion, entertainment gossip, or our next vacation. I like the fact that they will never ask about my views on Womanist theology or raise ontological questions about the existence of God. Although I do get the occasional religious phenomena question for instance “Do you believe that could possible be the tomb of Jesus?” (Editorial Note: It’s highly unlikely)

You raise another important question this week, “What are we going to do about it?” This question has made me rethink some things and I have decided I will commit to the following: I will commit to economizing my time better so that I won’t have to pull all-nighters on a constant basis, and I will vow to pause for 10 seconds in front of the mirror every morning as not to leave the house disheveled. This is still no guarantee that you may catch me walking across campus or standing in line at Target with an odd outfit coupled with dark circles under my eyes. But I will try to do better.

And last but not least to your comment about gray hair. First, although you don’t have any as of date, whatever you do, if you get any, please don’t pluck it because 10 more will come to its funeral. Secondly once you hit your 30’s you can look forward to your fair share of them, unless you’re lucky. And thirdly as long as you know a good colorist you can be a brunette for the rest of your life!

Predestination or Free-Will?

Commentary By
Wanda

Since beginning this blog, as a single woman, I have struggled with the natural inclination to talk about dating, relationships, men, blah, blah, blah... Despite my past victories, it seems that I am going to do what I promised myself I wouldn’t and that is to talk about relationships. However, I want to discuss relationships from a different perspective. My well meaning friends (I love you guys) always have an answer for me after a bad date, or a failed relationship, “Oh he just wasn’t the one God has for you,” or “God will send him when you least expect it” as if finding a decent guy is solely based on predestination or even worse I will be blindsided – ahhh no thank you.

For years Christians have struggled between the two ideas of predestination and free-will. Predestination means that God has everything planned out for our lives and no matter what we do ultimately we will complete everything that has been “predestined.” The ideology of free-will means that people have the ability to make choices about their lives. The significance of these two ideologies is that one believes that God has chosen you and the other, that you choose God. I do not mean to imply that a man could be God. But if as my friends would say, “God will send the right man” the implication is that neither he nor I have a choice in the matter; ultimately we are puppets in the master plan. Additionally, I do not believe that dating is in the man’s hand, he should not decide if he wants to marry you but you decide whether you want to marry each other.

I wholeheartedly believe that God has given humans free-will and we choose and decide what we will do with our lives. Although, there are several movements throughout churches that speak of fulfilling one's destiny or purpose, I believe a great deal of this is not fully biblical and designed to give people a greater focus on life – all well meaning, however, our only “purpose” is to spread the gospel. But I digress, back to my question: Is it possible to have several possibilities for your life? Couldn’t I marry a decent guy and make a conscious decision to stay married to him without him being the “one”? Or better yet, do these same friends believe that marriage is all spiritual? Anyone who has been married more than 2 years, knows that marriage is not all spiritual. Whether it’s a mate, career, or the right college for your kids I believe that the best decision is made through prayer, thoughtfulness, and research and it is not based on a set heavenly plan that is mysteriously displayed to us by surprise. Remarkable people and events are a matter of free-willed humans believing in great possibilities. All that talk about predestination is just phooey!

Response by Cantice

Sorry, I'm not taking the bait on this one. Predestination vs. Free-will can not be hashed out in a one page blog. In the experience Wanda gives, concerning her friends' comments, her friends are just using indirect language which puts the onus on God and excuses Wanda from any responsibility for a bad date or unwanted singleness. Any casual friend would do so. And the fact that they are in religious circles gives them a familiar language to do it in. (More about this later at the end of this commentary.) I haven't studied it in a while, but doesn't predestination specifically concern those who will be saved? Wanda's questions about her choices have more to do with God's sovereignty (will God let things happen that He doesn't want to happen and will He make what He wants to occur, occur?), don't they?

An Afront to your Aside (Purpose)…

I think that humans were put on earth to do more than spread the gospel, especially since “The Gospel” came after humans were put on the earth. Genesis records that God put humans on earth to increase in number, work and rule over the earth and its creatures. Humans increase in number physically by establishing natural and adopted families. We subdue the earth by creating boundaries that at once maximize the grand potential and beauty of nature and point to the majesty of God, while at the same time we control it and protect it from overgrowth. We subdue the earth by harnessing its resources to perpetuate our lives, and creating systems of governance that ensure that the earth and its creatures don’t begin to rule over us. Those systems of governance encompass our working fields. So a person could live out his or her mission or purpose by educating the next generation, eradicating the spread of curable diseases, or working to equip servant leaders to replace ego-centric leadership structures.

Words…

But concerning purpose, what’s in a word? In the circles that use the phrase, My purpose is…, there is agreement that God first saved me (from hell through Jesus Christ) and then gave me a job to do. So whether people say, my mission is…, or my purpose is…, or my goal is to…, does it matter? And concerning relationships, whether people say, God will send you, or you will find…the one, or someone, I believe they are expressing their prayers to God for your good on your behalf. They are praying for God to prepare someone to meet you and for you to be prepared to find someone/the one you will choose to marry.

Concerning your Date and Just Call me Dr. Ruth…

Spiritual language aside, your bad date was probably just payback…a little reap-reap for the sew-sew. Next time, you give me the scenario of the date, and I’ll tell you what went wrong. Better yet, tell me who you’re thinking about dating and I’ll let you know all of the awkward moments that you can expect. I won’t sugar coat it for you. You know I don’t mind giving my opinion. That is one of my “gifts.”

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Commentary by
Cantice

My family—mom, dad, and grandparents, was not “traditional.” They didn’t play traditional sex roles (mama was a young professional, daddy stayed home), nor did they have traditional values (Big Mama never went to church). I guess by traditional, I also mean conservative or strict. While my siblings and I were expected to respect elders, observing a certain reverence for their age and experience, we were not trained to say, “Yes ma’am,” and “Yes sir.” There was often a co-mingling of the younger and older generations in my family. The maxim, children are to be seen and not heard, was not necessarily true in our case. My home environment mixed with my personality produced a girl who was outspoken in every sense. I’ll go further to say that additional experiences in my life produced a young woman who did not observe the distance, or reverence that is traditionally granted authority figures. Despite my unorthodox treatment of authority, I’m not egalitarianist.

Egalitarianism is a principle championed by a strand of feminist theorists who advocate for equal treatment of all humans and who, additionally, deny differences between men and women, asserting that gender is a social construct. As I studied this idea, (naturally) I challenged it. The notion seems to ignore the reality of ownership and control fiscally, culturally, politically and spiritually. Those in support of egalitarianism would try to convince me that it was this type of thinking that “freed your people” when they were slaves. (In fact Christian doctrine is used (selectively) to support egalitarian ideology. I know I am opening a can of worms here, and maybe Wanda or another reader will “go there.” That is not my purpose here.) In class with assenters to the egalitarian concept, I sensed that people thought of me as traditional or conservative, or worse oppressed and self-loathing. But anyone who knows me knows I’m self-actualized. Most of the time, I love my questioning, challenging, in your face personality. Sometimes I try unsuccessfully to rein it in. Full-blown, my passion for my point-of-view doesn’t care who is on the other end of my hot breath, and that has gotten me in trouble.

In familial, governmental, church and corporate spheres, I’ve had my run- ins. But while I’ve known the protocol in those so-called secular environments, I’m sometimes unsure of my position in untraditional church relationships. For me the titles in the Baptist church made is easier to keep distance. We called each other Brother and Sister, Deacon Last name, and Rev. Last name. A drawback of those titles happened to be that we didn’t ever get to know each other outside of them. While, I know that no matter where I go, I retain my citizenship in The Church, I also know that I would feel uncomfortable if everybody called me Sister Greene all the time. And what would that mean?

Authority, hierarchy, status, and protocol as a family of concepts still cause me to wrestle to understand my role(s) within them. In relation to these virtues the only thing I know for sure is embodied in the related concept respect. And that, I’ve heard it said, You gotta give some to get.

Response by
Wanda

I don’t have much of a response to this week’s commentary but I will make an attempt. First, I would like to thank Cantice for sparing us the regurgitation of Christian & Hebrew Scriptures that are used to substantiate certain mainstream Christian notions of authority. Additionally, to your comment, “Those in support of egalitarianism would try to convince me that it was this type of thinking that 'freed your people' when they were slaves. In fact Christian Doctrine is used (selectively) to support egalitarian ideology….maybe Wanda will “go there,”" Cantice, Scriptures are used to support a lot of things- selectively – and I won’t go there.

Cantice you say, “I am not egalitarianist.” So what if you were? Does that make you any less of who you are as a Christian or responsible adult? What are you afraid to lose, or more importantly, what’s at stake for you? I find that many of us (egalitarians) want to wholly embrace our relationship with Christ and integrate into our church community. You may believe (as many others do) that experiencing your faith and following the “rules” of church are synonymous, but although related they are not the same. Egalitarianism does not mean anarchy or chaos, but merely alternating dominance.

Cantice, I am not convinced that you are fully anti–egalitarianism. I would go so far as to say you may not be as much of a traditionalist as you would like to admit. You could very well be a "suppressed” egalitarian. I say we revisit this topic in about, ahhh….10 years and lets see what you say.