Nothing New Under the Sun....

Commentary by Wanda

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. Ecclesiastes 1:9-10 (NIV)

We’ve heard this passage whether in church or listening to Shakespeare’s Sonnet 59. Nothing new? I began to think about the recent “coming out” episodes in the news including John Amaechi the former NBA player who so conveniently professed being gay after he retired, and Steve Stanton the Largo, FL City Manager of 14 years who announced that he was going through a sex-change operation. These things have been going on for years, centuries, millenniums; this isn’t new. The media and biotechnology has advanced significantly in the past 50 years, so sex change operations are possible and highly publicized, but individuals of diverse sexual orientations are not unique. So why are we so shocked?

Among these recent events, the story of the city manager of Largo, Florida admitting that he was going through a sex change was the most troubling. Not because he admitted to being a transsexual but that his colleagues feel that he won’t be able to fill his job position because he will be a woman. Huh? I know it will be strange to go from working alongside Steve to “Sharon” but he is still capable intellectually or isn't he? I guess many people still feel as if female genitalia limits ones ability to lead and manage well. Last week there was a 5 to 2 vote to start a three-step process to remove Stanton. Largo city commissioner Mary Gray Black stated, “I do not feel he has the integrity, nor the trust, nor the respect, nor the confidence to continue as the city manager of Largo.” Many of his colleagues said his secret life undermined his ability to do his job. Are these people serious? Why don’t they just say they’re uncomfortable with the sex change? Why must they challenge his ability to perform his job since he is well liked and respected throughout the department prior to his announcement?

Homosexuals, Bi-sexuals, or Transgender individuals are not 21st century phenomenon. Many of our leading artists, philosophers, scientists, musicians (secular and Christian alike) were not heterosexuals. How can we question the ability and integrity of homosexuals, as if heterosexuals are always upstanding and qualified? Or how can we act as if we don’t interact, work in ministry, or celebrate our lives with “closeted” homosexuals. Whatever we do as humans is old, recycled, and familiar because we really aren’t that original at all. Being appalled or judgmental is no longer acceptable. Being educated on lifestyles different from “the norm” is the new face of being humane. If the majority of humans did that, now, that would be something new under the sun.

Response by Cantice

If a person went through an operation to change from black (African American) to white (of European decent), no one would find his questioning strange. Nobody trusts Michael Jackson anymore—so what’s the difference? What is unreasonable about declaring that an official who recently underwent a major aesthetic and/or biological change be reevaluated for his suitability for public position? Why must it be called discrimination? Is it unreasonable to assume that Steve Stanton was previously unsatisfied with himself? I’ll add that he might be unsatisfied with more than himself. I wonder how he feels about masculine characteristics as a whole. It is just because Stanton is gay (he is actually transgendered) that he is off limits for questioning. Questioning a homosexual/transgendered/transsexual/lesbian/gay/bisexual/etc. about his or her lifestyle is the new taboo. But, if Steve Stanton is truly going to become a woman, then let him go through what women often go through when applying for a position: questions, plenty of them.

Just because homosexuality (transsexuality/bisexuality/...see above), is from “of old” doesn’t make the lifestyle any less grave as a radical aberration from the design for healthy relationships or self-identity. Religion, morality, and common sense work together to cause many to question the homosexual lifestyle. When we stop questioning it, we have become debased, callous and ambiguous. Showing just the opposite of care, failing to recognize the difference in the homosexual lifestyle shows that we no longer take the time to wonder about, or talk back to that which is peculiar to many of our hearts and minds.

Persona non grata

Guest Commentary by Demetre

The other day while I was out shopping, I came across an attractive and apparently—from the fact she wore no wedding band—single young woman. From the distance, I saw as she noticed me that her body language began to change as though she was bracing herself for some uncomfortable experience. By the time we came closer and I greeted her with a “hello,” it was clear she wasn’t interested in looking my way. I ignored it until it happened several more times over the course of a few weeks. I began to recognize a consistent theme –they were all attractive.

Are attractive women afraid to be friendly because they think guys have the wrong intentions? Maybe too many guys have approached them in a way they didn’t like or was inappropriate. Now they’ve built up a defense or think they know what every person is about to say or do. Are they justified in feeling this way? It certainly doesn’t help to bolster relations between single Black men and women. I feel that just like Black men have been ignorant or discourteous to them in the past, Black women continue the cycle by passing on the same treatment to each guy they come across. It’s the proverbial vicious cycle. I think this is the reason that so many people are still single.

There are single, available men out here who want to be in serious, monogamous relationships. I know quite a few. But it seems we can’t bridge the gap between what women say they want versus how they act. I’ve always believed that many women wait for the ‘good catch’. What I mean is, a guy who has the material things—a high income, fancy car, impressive home and fine clothes. These women won’t stop to consider a guy who has anything less, or should I say ‘looks’ like he has less. I think this is relevant because when you start to look for the image that you’ve created, you are no longer dealing with the reality of the way men actually are. Could this be another reason women have their guard up?

There’s definitely something at work that’s short-circuiting a healthy atmosphere. One where singles interested in serious relationships leading to matrimony can freely interact and socialize with others of the same mind. I believe singles deal with feelings of distrust, anxiety, fear, and negativity. These pervasive attitudes affect all aspects of single life, in one way or another. This potentially makes coming together among singles—especially Black singles—a tricky and pressure-filled proposition. No wonder so many men don’t treat women with the respect we have been taught to believe they deserve. Think about it, a certain climate has to exist in order to foster and sustain the proper attitude. How many places can you think of where this is the case? I would venture to guess you’d more easily find it in small, cozy American towns than in big cities—arguably, a group that includes Atlanta. Eventually, women learn to respond to men in the same way—with disrespect.

Being single, this whole cycle concerns me a great deal. Actually, I have had conversations with married guys who also see it as a real problem. I don’t know if there are any simple answers, but recognizing that there is an issue seems like a step in the right direction

Response by
Cantice

One good scenario deserves another. Let's say you are a partner in a lucrative financing firm. In the middle of a busy work day, you and your partner decide to have lunch at an upscale restaurant. During lunch, you and your colleague talk business. Then, up walks your waitress, a nice looking woman, a single (she wears no ring) black woman. Do you give her your card? After she takes your order, you look around and notice that almost all of the servers are nice looking women without rings. Do you start passing out cards all around?

I hope I haven’t frustrated you with this story. My point is that just because two people are single doesn't mean that they must open themselves to an introduction. Body language is the subtlest means that we have of getting our point across. If a woman tenses up upon seeing a man, she is subtly sending a message. Especially while going about our daily rituals, many people, not just women, don’t want to be bothered with anything unscripted. This does not point to black-on-black angst, it is just a by-product of our busy lives. If singles are brought together under the right circumstances, sparks will inevitably fly.

Response by
Wanda

Demetre I am really trying to sympathize with you, but I feel that there is a double standard going on. It is fine for a guy to pursue, be outgoing, or notice an attractive woman, but an attractive woman can't have her stipulations on the type of guy she pursues or notices. I will agree saying "hello" never killed anyone and sometimes people are just rude. But trust me sometimes a "hello" can lead to being followed through the mall or worse home!

Additionally, these women could be in relationships and possibly attempting to deflect any potential advances. Nevertheless, it’s always funny to hear a man talk about rude attractive women. But I wonder how many "Ugly Betty's" you say "hello" to on a daily basis? How often do you stop to open the door for her, or offer her your seat on the train? She could be the perfect catch for you, but just like the "attractive" girl is going down her list....you are too. Let me oblige you and give you the male version of the list: body shape and weight, facial appearance, hair length and texture...do I need to continue. We all do it, its a part of being human. But why is it different when the man gets negative responses from the woman?

More about Guest Commentator: Demetre hails from Birmingham, Alabama. A US Army veteran who has traveled the US and Europe. Demetre, left the military in 1994 to pursue a career in Information Technology. He holds a bachelor of science from DeVry Institute. Demetre currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia.