I'm embarrassed to be called a Feminist

By Wanda

I've been a feminist since I could remember. I didn't quite have a name for my views but I knew that I fundamentally disagreed with the maltreatment and inequities that women experienced. I remember the book that changed my life " Ain't I a Woman" by bell hooks. I had a found a kindred soul. And the rest is history.

Today I read an article by Rahna Reiko Rizzuto entitled "Why I left my children" with the subheading "My husband is the one who wanted kids. But I learned I didn't have to live with them to be a good mother" on Salon.com and could not begin typing this post fast enough. I am not a mother nor do I plan to have a big family but I was outraged by the selfishness this woman displayed in search of finding herself at the expense of her children. My rage could also be doubly fueled by the recent article I read by Alice Walker's daughter Rebecca who gave a detailed account of the neglect and lack of parenting that she experienced by her mother, one of the leaders of the feminist cause and womanism. Alice Walker also admitted to her failure as a parent in her biography. Rebecca lamented over the disappointment her mother expressed when Rebecca became pregnant with her son. Shouldn't a mother be happy for her daughter who is experiencing the most miraculous and loving event of birthing a child?

This is not Feminism!!
I know that one person can not define feminism, but when I think about Betty Friedan who wrote the "Feminine Mystic" which became the "bible" for the first wave of feminism in the 60s and 70s, I am sure she did not have this type of behavior in mind. Please note that I do not sit on the other side of the continuum that preaches when you become a mother you drop everything and ignore your own personal interests and passions. I think that a good mother is one that strikes the balance between selfishness and the loss of self.

For me, those who are advocates of feminism should encourage that women have the choice to make decisions about their life. But this does not support the abandonment and neglect of your responsibilities.

I am a big proponent of what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And there are plenty of father's who leave their young children behind, move hundreds of miles away from their children to pursue their career or other personal interests. I don't think that mother's should follow suit. I do not agree with this selfish behavior, on any parents part.

Separate is not equal
I know that single or divorced parents can raise wonderful, productive and responsible children. But that does not make it ideal. A child deserves to have a close relationship with both of their parents. An occasional visit, a "trip" to spend time with a parent should not be considered the norm or even healthy. I know a man who has decided to delay his professional pursuits because he and his wife divorced prior to his planned move to another city. He has postponed that move in order to be close to his children until they graduate from high school. He also moved within 15 minutes from his children so whenever they want to see him or if they need him he can be there quickly. These are the reasonable sacrifices a parent should make.

Selfishness does not equate to Feminism
There will be many that will use these women's stories as ammunition for their argument against feminism. Unfortunately these are bad examples of feminism. Feminism at its best allows a woman to make her own life choices without putting at stake the well-being of those around her, namely her children who need her.